Dealing with an Insecure Partner

Insecure partners need love too. We all, from time to time, can feel a little unsure of ourselves, unless you are a rabid egomaniac or narcissist. It can be challenging, though, having to reassure a person that they have your love all the time; it can be emotionally exhausting. If this is not handled well, the relationship is likely to fail.

Insecurity, contrary to popular opinions, is not completely bad, in fact, it can be safe to be a little insecure. Insecurity can prompt our desire for self-improvement, depending on how you choose to take that asssessment of yourself. It can help spark growth; a little insecurity is normal.

While one must know how to handle being with an insecure partner, you must also know when it’s time to call it quit.

Have “the talk” – I am a talker, I love to talk about everything regarding my relationship, communication is kind of my thing, which is very much unlike a lot of people. You need to address the issue. Getting to the root of the matter can really help address why certain things affect them and others don’t. You need to learn about your partner’s past relationships, (I am all in for talking – to a limit- about exes. Yes, please tell me all about why it failed) learn about their upbringing; it’s been studied that children that were neglected and or abused are likely to grow up with distorted relationship views. Most of the time, the struggle of insecurity is so much more internal and even independent of the present circumstances. Get on and talk the talk!

Examine Yourself – Your partner is likely complaining about that one habit you have. Flirting with other people, ignoring him or her, doing things to make them jealous. Make sure you are not giving your partner reasons to be distrusting, if you are not, stand your ground!

Let them have their time – Everyone needs time to themselves, to be with their  buddies or even to just sit at home or at a bar alone. This is very healthy and important. Let your partner have fun without you.

Walk away (or maybe even RUN) – I am not a relationship expert at all, I’ve only been in a handful of them too, but one mistake I have definitely made is wanting to “fix” my partner. Maybe it was the impending social worker in me then, or the department of brain and behavioral sciences that I’d been in, this was a big fault on my part. If your partner has been reassured, communicated with, given space and time but they continue to be distrusting, it is probably time to count your losses. Unless, of course, you’re a professional and or licensed psychologist, you can’t simply “fix” a person, especially someone you’re in a romantic relationship with.

Insecurity does not come with repeated accusations and peaceful reconciliations after, but can cause a lengthy emotional distress for both parties. Most of the time, when insecurity is acted out, it can present verbal or even physical abuse. Check out recent post on abusive relationships. (

Remember, you’re worth more than gold, leave the clearance rack and at behind the show-glass.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” – John 15:13

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